Retreating, Rethinking, Retrying
Songwriting is such a good lesson for how to live life.
Songwriting is often about giving an idea time. Recently I read all about the word "ruminate." That's the root of the word the Bible uses about meditating on scripture. It's also the root of the word that describes what a cow does when it chews its cud. I'm not a farm girl, but I know enough about that process to see the connection. Song ideas are like that. You have to ruminate on them a while. So that means that sometime you have to retreat with them or even from them. Life is that way too. Sometimes the best things just need more time. Just like I do with my granddaughter, God says, "Not yet" sometimes. And just like Violet, we usually respond, "Right now!" But giving things time is God's way more often than not, it seems to me.
Songwriting requires rethinking. I once heard songwriter Regie Hamm say that the test of a good songwriter is how far down one road he or she is willing to go with a song, discover that it's not working, and go back up that road to try a different way. That is so hard to do with a song. When we've invested so much in going a certain direction with it, we fight against starting over. It's just so hard. I can think of a lot of times in my life when I've done the same thing. I've invested so much in a certain desire or project or decision or relationship, the thought of giving it up and starting over seems unthinkable.
Songwriting is constantly about retrying. Small things like trying another word in a line. Bigger things like trying another point of view, trying another approach, trying another melody. Huge things like trying yet another pitch to get a song cut when it has been rejected. In some ways, success in songwriting is ALL about trying again. It's just that sometimes, we have to try something new, something different, something else, when we want to just keep trying the same thing.
Today reminded me that sometimes things you've planned fall apart. When they do, God has another plan. I'm believing that today… and every day.
Kids, Cancer, and Chemo Ducks
When Holly and Guy moved eight years ago, Jacob quickly became friends with the little boy next door. Gabe was recovering from a serious fight with a malignant tumor. He was and is a great kid. He would often hear Jacob and Houston calling me "Grandma Sue," and for a while he thought my name was "Grandma Zoo."
Gabe made his movie debut this past year in the movie Country Strong. In the film, he plays a boy with cancer. The producers asked that he shave his head and eyebrows so he really looked the part. I asked Lu, Gabe's mom, if he minded that very much, and she told me he was okay with the head-shaving, but he hated having to wear makeup for the filming.
While Gabe was having his chemo treatments, Lu took a stuffed duck he had been given, and using her sewing skills, added pajamas, a head scarf, a blood pressure cuff, and even a chemo port. Having the duck seemed to comfort Gabe and also helped explain to him what the doctors and nurses were going to do during each treatment he had. This idea proved so effective, that soon, other kids in the hospital were wanting a duck like Gabe's. Lu, who had to spend long hours in the hospital with Gabe, spent a lot of that time making ducks for other children who needed them.
Eventually, Lu began a foundation called "Gabe's My Heart." The mission of Gabe's My Heart and Gabe’s Chemo Duck program is to use education to give comfort to children living with cancer through medical play using therapeutic tools. This means that these kids, who are in the fight of their young lives, can gain back some sense of control as they play with their duck, mimic taking the duck's blood pressure, and even pretend to administer drugs through the duck's chemo port.
Already chemo ducks are being used by hospitals around the country. Gabe's goal is to furnish 10,000 ducks by his tenth birthday, and I want to help.
I found out last week that Cardinal Glennon hospital in St. Louis has asked for a supply of chemo ducks for patients there. I told Lu that I would do my very best to raise the money for one shipment of ducks. Each duck is $25, so a carton will cost $600.
It would be awesome if some of my friends would help. Go here (http://www.chemoduck.org/chemo_duck_video.html) to watch a brief video about the chemo duck and see the way it helps kids with cancer and their families. I think you'll agree that it's a very small donation to make for something that is a huge help.
You can make your donation right there at the site. There will be a place where you can donate 1) on behalf of 2) in honor of, or 3) in memory of someone. If you want your duck to go to Cardinal Glennon Hospital in St. Louis, put "For Cardinal Glennon" somewhere in that line.
IF YOU DONATE A DUCK, LET ME KNOW! If you come to Write About Jesus this year, we will give you another $25 discount for each duck you provide. This will be in addition to other discounts you qualify for.
I have been blessed with six incredible grandchildren, and I'm so thankful they are healthy. But I have known families who have had to walk the terrible road Gabe's family walked with him. Making sure a child has a bit of comfort and help through a little stuffed friend seems like the least I can do.
Why I love Harry Potter
It took me a while to decide to read the Harry Potter series. It wasn't because I'd heard it was profane or dangerous or ungodly or anything like that, although I had heard all those things. It was just because I'm not into fantasy and I really thought I wouldn't like it. Holly kept telling me I should give the books a try. And finally, David Moffitt said I should try listening to the audiobooks. He just happened to have all of them.
About two chapters into book one, I was hooked.
I listened on my drives back and forth to Nashville. I listened as I walked. I laughed out loud when Hagrid gave mean cousin Dudley a tail. I cried when Harry looked into the Mirror of Erised and saw his parents for the first time. I adored Hermione from the first moment she was introduced. I loved the whole Weasley family, and I suspected Snape had secrets he was hiding.
I listened straight through all seven books and watched the movies as I finished each book. I was there for opening night of Deathly Hallows Part II. And now, I am listening through the books again.
Here is why:
Because the story is about good and evil, and in the end, somehow against all the odds, good triumphs.
Because the characters grow and yet they never do things that are not consistent with their character.
Because with few exceptions, the best characters have flaws and the worst characters have some redeeming moments.
Because things happen in book one that come back in book seven to resolve a plot point. The story is that well plotted.
Because there are no loose ends that don't get resolved and yet the resolution of each doesn't seem forced.
Because even the secondary characters like Alastor Moody, Gilderoy Lockhart, Luna Lovegood, and Dobby are so vivid and wonderful.
Because even the villains, including Bellatrix Lestrange and Dolores Umbridge are fascinating.
Because friendships are precious although not always easy, and friends are never discarded.
Because the least likely characters do heroic things.
Because the stories are funny and scary and emotionally compelling all at the same time.
Because the second time through is even better than the first.
Because now I know words like hippogryph, quidditch, horcrux, polyjuice potion, and blast-ended scroot.
Because elves and giants and werewolves and goblins have feelings too.
Because in the end, Harry shows such courage and nobility and self sacrifice.
I love Harry Potter. There. I put it in writing.
I Can’t Keep Up
THIS POST WAS WRITTEN MAY 28, 2009
Communication has outstripped me, humbled me, overwhelmed me, and basically made me throw up my hands.
I’m calling from my cell, texting, emailing, blogging, facebooking, and tweeting. I’m communicating with people I’ve never met in person, in touch with people I haven’t seen for years, sending messages to my neighbor across the street on Facebook when I can walk over and knock on her front door any time I’m home. I’m uploading photos and videos and watching things other people have uploaded. I’m reading lists of random things about my friends and following celebrities who are tweeting that they’ve just gotten a latté at Starbucks and are now headed for Home Depot to pick up a garden trowel and a roll of duct tape.
I’m following links in emails to watch funny, horrifying, and sad things on YouTube. I’m watching lengthy PowerPoint slide shows that urge me to support the troops, hug somebody, be kind to animals, go green, oppose the new Supreme Court nominee, write President Obama, and stop buying water in plastic bottles. I’m hearing every day from every store I’ve shopped in for the past year telling me about their latest sale. And of course, there’s that African prince who wants me to help him get $5,000,000 out of his country if I’ll only send all my bank account information.
It’s communication Nirvana and communication Hell all the same time.
I watched a church service on TV where they had everyone pull out their cell phone in the middle of the service, not to be sure they were turned off, but to text their responses to a survey the church was doing! What’s next? I’ll be able to text or tweet my song requests to my worship leader right in the middle of the worship set? Or maybe not my requests but my comments. Nice.
I complain, and yet I am an offender. I’m updating my status at least a few times a day and checking to see what all my friends… and my friends I only know on Facebook… are doing. The more mundane and random the better. Tell me you’ve been thinking about chocolate-covered peanuts and wishing you had some… it touches me deeply for some bizarre reason.
I love the knowing. I love the hearing and the watching and the connecting. But I can feel myself losing ground. Inboxes overloaded, messages awaiting responses, voicemails stacking up, and the ever-present blog needing to be updated.
One good long power outage and it all goes south though. Until then, I am currently recharging… everything. Cause who knows when I’ll want to tell the world that I really like Lunchables, and there’s just nothing like a sale sign that says “Extra 40% off already-reduced prices,” and the sky is looking ominous from my window, and I feel sorry for Jon and Kate cause I don’t think they knew what they were getting into, and I’ve never seen a kid drink a Capri Sun without squirting it all over the place, and I’ve seen two turtles where they shouldn’t be in the last three days.
There. You know everything I’m thinking at this point.
Writing Shorter
David and I wrote together yesterday and I was reminded of a truth about songwriting: It is harder to write a 4-line worship chorus that is meaningful and singable than it is to write a big power ballad. Chris Tomlin might disagree, bu at least, it is for me.
To be brief and simple, but say something that cuts to the heart and exalts the holiness and faithfulness of God in a memorable way… that is so much harder than you would imagine. We wrote two verses, each a brief four lines of 5 syllables. What's a synonym for "light?" What's a great metaphor that paints a picture of the Christ chld of Bethlehem? How do you describe the wise men without saying "wise men" or "kings?"
Years ago in an English class, I heard a quote that has been attributed to lots of different writers. Apparently, it was Blaise Pascal who first penned it:
"I have made this letter longer than usual, only because I have not had the time to make it shorter."
Thinking of many of my favorite lyrics written by others, I realize that more often than not, they are seemingly so simple. They are the kind we most imagine were "God given" in the way that people so often say, "God gave me this song." Trust me, I don't discount that idea. Even when you work on something for days and over the course of more than co-write to get it just right, when it is just right, it's still God-given. He's just allowed you to have a part of getting it onto the paper.
I'm convinced that sometimes my lyrics that are long and complex, and carefully crafted, and packed so full of what I want to say can just muddy things up. And almost always, when I rewrite, it is to take things out and pare things down and simplify.
Here's one of my favorite lyrics, written with David Moffitt. The evening we wrote it in a little room at the old Benson building, honestly the Spirit of God was so present in the room that it was palpable. For our short little lines in the verses, we gave ourselves four syllables to say what we needed to say.
THIS MUST BE THE PLACE
A crowded inn
A cattle stall
A newborn babe
A bed of straw
A tiny cry
As angels sing
The dark of night
The infant king
CHORUS
This must be the place
Where I bow down before you
This must be the place
Believers come
This must be the place
I worship and adore you
And confess you are my Lord my God
This must be the place
A crowded hill
A guiltless man
A twisted cross
A dying lamb
The cost of sin
The sacrifice
The dark of day
The final cry
The break of day
The empty tomb
The risen lord
The upper room
The open hands
The Savior’s scars
The words that change
The doubte'rs heart
Blessing Bonanza
I've gotten to work this week with at least seven of my favorite people, and every one of them has a Write About Jesus connection.
Monday, we were in the studio recording tracks for the hospice project we've been doing since last summer. I helped write the five songs on the project with Gina Boe and Lee Black. The project is being produced by Dennis Dearing. Yesterday I wrote with Tony Wood and Joseph Habedank. This morning I was with Don Poythress, and this afternoon, it was Carl Cartee. Gina, Lee, Dennis, Tony, Don, and Carl have all taught at Write About Jesus. Although Joseph has never been there because he's an artist and is on the road nearly every weekend with The Perrys, his precious wife Lindsay has come to workshop a few times.
Each of these friends are fun, kind, generous, thoughtful, dependable, talented, compassionate, humble… the kind of co-writer that anyone would love to hang out with.
That I've gotten to be with them all in the space of three days has me feeling like I'm so blessed, I can hardly believe it. I've watched five songs begin to come to life through the recording process. And I've written three songs. And it's just Wednesday night.
I heard an interview many years ago with Jack Buck, legendary Hall of Fame sportscaster for the St. Louis Cardinals until his death 10 years ago. He said someone had asked him what he would say to God if he got the chance. Jack said, "I would ask, 'Why have you been so good to me?'"
That pretty much sums up how I'm feeling tonight.
Kingdom Work
I’m in a Nashville studio today where we are recording tracks for a project I’ve been involved in writing since last summer. New friends Vicki and Rex Lamb are launching a web site and hospice ministry called Lamb’s Hope.
I thought some people might like to have a running description of what we’re doing.
10 a.m.Dennis Dearing is producing and he has hired some great musicians. Everybody gets introduced, and Rex surprises us ALL with very very cool Lamb’s Hope shirts! You wouldn’t believe the excitement this creates… Who starts a project by giving everybody a gift? It’s gonna be a good day.
10:30 We start on the first song… The one that will actually end this 5-song EP. While all the other songs offer help and comfort, this is the song that really offers hope… “In Jesus.” As the recording begins, we’re all standing and watching, and honestly, we’re all a little teary. It’s finally happening. Our prayer is that many many people will be helped, comforted, and maybe even brought to Christ through it. It’s what my friend Eva calls Kingdom work.
“How do you face a hurricane when your last shred of hope is gone? When some one says, “We’ve done all we can.” And you don’t know how to go on…”
11:20 Starting on the second song, “Don’t Forget Me.” Vicki, who has been a hospice volunteer for 11 years, told us (Gina Boe, Lee Black, and me) that one of the biggest concerns of someone facing the end of life here is that they mattered. We hope this is what that person would say to friends and family if they could find the words.
“One day when your tears are spent, it’s ok to laugh again. Maybe that’s what this was meant to teach you…”
I’m so thankful to be part of this project.
Noon One more tune before we break for lunch. This one’s called “Still About Love.” It’s really a challenge for someone who has always been pretty independent to suddenly find himself or herself in need of other people’s help for the most basic necessities. That loss of freedom is what we tried to speak to. It’s a good life lesson for us all. We need each other!
“Somebody blesses… Somebody’s blessed. Sometimes we give… Sometimes we get. It’s gonna look different from day to day. But it’s still about love either way.”
2:25 p.m. Dennis says the music business revolves around lunch. We write, we play, we work so that we can go have lunch with our friends. Roasted veggie wrap anyone?
Three songs before lunch is good. In fact, it’s really good. But now lunch is over… We’re all full and happy, and we’re ready to plunge into song number four. Actually, the players are ready. I’m ready to sit and listen and marvel at their talent. Here are the amazing guys we are working with today:
Scott Williamson – drums
Mark Burchfield – bass
Dave Cleveland – guitars
Blair Masters – keys
I wish everyone could hear how good they are. They work from charts that basically look like code. It’s called the Nashville number system. Whatever key you want, they can do it. Whatever vibe you want, they understand. They are sensitive to the slightest tempo change and attentive to the most inconsequential detail. And they work quickly and efficiently. It’s like they think the music and it comes out their fingers.
Next song up is the one that will open this project. It’s called “Live Like You’re Living.” A few years ago, Tim McGraw had that song called “Live Like You’re Dying.” That was a great message. Not a thing wrong with telling somebody not to waste their life away… to live every day like it’s their last. But this message is also important. Don’t stop living too soon. “Cause you matter in this world, so as long as you’re in it, live like you’re living.”
Have I said how much fun it is to be here and hear the songs coming to life?
4 p.m. Starting the last song. The day has flown by. This is the only true power ballad. I won’t say who we have asked to sing this song, but he is going to sound amazing.
This is the very first song we wrote for the project. We got together with Vicki and Rex in Lincoln, Nebraska last summer. Vicki brought her journals and spent time just telling us about some of her experiences. She read from her journal. She told us that one thing she does is to just listen to people. She gives them the chance to share their life story. She listens.
We began writing a song called “Tell Me Your Story.” As we were writing, Lee got a phone call telling him that a friend of his from Alabama had died. Needless to say, it was an emotional day. We left drained, exhilarated, full, blessed.
“Tell me your story, I want to hear it, what you remember, what you regret… Tell me your tales of love and glory… I’m listening… Tell me your story.”
Six Hour Drive
I have no idea how many times I have driven to Nashville and back, but it takes six hours each way. I can take my time. I can press it and drive hard. Either way it takes about six hours.
I’ve been doing this every other week thing for 11 years now. Let’s pretend that I’ve averaged 22 trips a year. That’s 242 trips. For 13 years before I started doing this full time, I probably made 4 or 5 trips a year… let’s say that’s 58 trips. It adds up to 300 trips, or 3600 hours.
I’ve driven through snow, ice, blinding rain, and the kind of wind that makes you cling to the steering wheel for dear life. I’ve seen lots animal fatalities… I can’t even remember all the deer and dogs. I’ve listened to hour after hour of music and news and comedy and audiobooks, including the entire Harry Potter series. I’ve eaten no telling how many bags of chips and pretzels, eaten a ton of candy, and drunk more Diet Cokes than I even want to think about. I’ve managed nachos, pizza, ribs, KFC, deli sandwiches, and more than a few burgers and fries.
I’ve run out of gas once. Nearly had a serious accident once. Almost hit a deer once. Got a ticket once.
I’ve been stuck in terrible traffic jams, endured unending road construction (I-57 has been under construction for as long as I can remember.), and been passed by countless pick-up trucks, because one rule of the road is that no matter how fast you are driving, people in pick-up trucks feel compelled to pass you.
Although I’ve had company from time to time (Once I drove it with the wife of a Cardinal player I was writing with. I picked her up at Busch Stadium after the last game of the season and she began telling me the story of their courtship and marriage, which lasted for the entire six hour trip.), most of my trips have been just me, alone in the car.
Two things never change. I never head for Nashville when I am not filled with anticipation about what the week will hold, the friends I will be with, the songs that will be created. What “could be” makes every single trip exciting.
And I never leave Nashville that I am not thankful that home is just six hours away.
An Old Post For A New Blog
I have some great memories of writing with these people... Joel Lindsey, Gina Boe, and Lisa Qualsett. #thankful
SUE’S NOTE: Since I’m blogging in a new place these days, the old blog will be inaccessible… unless I decide to go to the time-consuming effort of archiving it. What I thought I would do instead is this: I’m not going to blog on the weekends, but I am going to re-post something from the old blog that seems worthwhile. Here is today’s “oldie,” , written on May 20, 2009. The picture was taken right around that same time.
Writing about co-writers yesterday naturally made me think of all my wonderful friends and co-writers. Then I started thinking about funny, crazy, moving, incredible co-writing moment. I know I will forget some that I should remember, but these stand out to me, each for different reasons:
10. Writing “After” on the train from London to Bognor Regis with Simon. I loved the idea, loved the song, but come on… I was on a train riding from London to Bognor Regis! Who wouldn’t treasure that memory?
9. Working on “Broken Into Beautiful” with Gwen Smith in Wolfgang Puck Express. It was my first time to meet Gwen and we were just supposed to have dinner, not write. Gwen had started the song and we were looking at it over dinner. Suddenly, the phrases we were jotting down… how God changes all our worthless things we bring him into something beautiful… they all began to take shape. Wow.
8. Writing for the first time with Phil Johnson. I don’t really even remember the song we wrote. But I was so excited just to be in the room with the guy who wrote “Bring Them All” and “The Day He Wore My Crown.” We got to talking about a group called Andrus Blackwood & Company that I loved. Turned out Phil produced their first album, which I loved! I started talking about one of my favorite songs on the album, the closer called “Steve.” It was so different that I was just blown away by it. Phil said, “I wrote that song.” That was so cool!
7. Writing a country song with Don Poythress and Ed Hill. I had one of those moments when I offered an idea to write, and Ed said, “What else you got?” Yep. He really said that. I felt completely out of my element that day, but still thankful to be there.
6. Writing with Joel and Ernie Haase in a Chicago high-rise condo after watching Signature Sound’s new dvd. We wrote four songs in three days and three of them ended up on the “Dream On” dvd. And I had my first deep-dish pizza. And went to Oprah’s favorite popcorn place with Ernie and his wife Lisa.
5. Writing the lyric for “What Does He Have To Do” with Dave. (Don Koch later wrote the melody.) My very first co-write. My first time to write in Nashville. I learned so much that first day about co-writing. It was like a crash course. That one day changed my life. It is why I am still a writer. If I’d still been writing my own melodies, I have the feeling I would not have done any of the other 9 co-writes I mention in this list.
4. Writing with Aaron Crabb for the first time. Memorable for a bad reason. I discovered afterward that the back of my jeans was totally split out. Ooops. Still, we wrote a cool song that got cut called “A Better Way.”
3. Writing “God Is Singing Over Me” with Jeff Ferguson and Regie Stone. We weren’t even supposed to write that day. Jeff and Regie just happened to be writing in the room next door and we were chatting. I got to telling them the story about my pastor’s wife nearly dying and hearing God singing over her the entire time she was in a coma. And Jeff got so excited and said we had to write that song. So we did!
2. Writing “I Will Walk With You” with Ian Eskelin and Allie Lapointe. I mention this because Allie and I were writing and Ian just opened the door and asked if we wanted to write a song in 20 minutes. We said ok… and off we went. It was a crazy co-write. Ian is so fast. Allie and I were just hanging on. And we really were done in about 20-30 minutes, and we didn’t even know how the song came to be. But it turned out good and the demo sounds great. It was sooooo not the careful, methodical way Allie or I usually write. A good lesson for both of us in being flexible and being willing to “go there.”
1. Writing “This Must Be The Place” with David Moffitt. We were talking about moments when people realized “You are God and my only response can be to worship You.” The structure we decided on was so sparse. Four syllables in each of 8 lines of verse. Writing that song, we felt the presence of the Holy Spirit in the room so strongly. Amazing.
1A. Writing with Guy the first time. I walked in and saw him and thought, “He’s young.” And then I thought, “He’s cute!” And we got to talking and he said, “It’s funny, but you kind of remind me of my mom.” He got out his wallet and showed me a picture, and I did look like his mom. We discovered we both loved Ken Gire books, and I found myself thinking, “If only Holly weren’t dating that guy she’s dating, I would try to fix her up with this guy.” We did write a song that day but it never got cut. Proof that the song may be the least important thing that comes out of a co-write. A few months later, Holly broke up with that other guy, and Cindy Wilt and I fixed the two of them up and even went on their first date with them. And the rest is history! About 15 years and 3 grandchildren later, I believe that may be the most significant co-write I’ve ever had!
1AA. Writing with Guy at his apartment a year or two later. We were finishing up and getting ready to go back to the office. He said, “Hey, I have an idea for a song I want to run by you. It’s about this guy who has been dating this girl and he is trying to figure out a way to ask her mom if he can ask her to marry him.” I thought, Uh… careful there Sue. Don’t go getting all excited. It may just be a song idea. I said, “Well… uh…” And Guy said, “So I’m asking if I can ask Holly to marry me.” Now THAT is something I’ll never forget.
Oh goodness, these only scratch the surface. I’m leaving out many of my very favorite co-writers and my favorite songs. I haven’t even mentioned “Everything To Me” or “He Loved Me With A Cross” or “Over and Over.” And as soon as I publish this, I’ll think of another moment I should have included.
You know what, though? I’m praying that this weekend, I’ll have a moment that will make this list! You never know.
For Girls Only
My friend and co-writer, Gwen Smith, sent me a copy of her new book, Trusting God. I’m enjoying it so much!
I met Gwen when Dave Clark suggested we should try writing together. We went to dinner, not planning to write at all. We were just going to get to know each other. But at dinner, Gwen pulled out a lyric she had been working on. I still have that original lyric. What began as a song called “Shattered,” turned into “Broken Into Beautiful,” a song that Chad Cates wrote beautiful music to… a song that has been cut several times, including by Mandisa on a Women of Faith project, by Gwen on her own cd, and last year by Karen Peck. It also became the title of Gwen’s first book.
But back to Trusting God. It’s divided into 12 weeks worth of sections, and each section has 6 chapters that are quick, entertaining, and inspiring. The book is designed so you read a chapter a day for five days, and on the sixth day, you consider some questions and maybe write a response. It would be fun to read it with a friend or a small group of friends, and then get together to chat about it all.
Sharon Jaynes, Gwen, and Mary Southerland, the Girlfriends In God trio, alternate on the chapters. I love that they’ve included personal stories from their lives, that they’ve undergirded everything with scripture, and that every chapter helps me to see something else about the challenge and the beauty of relying totally on God.
Of course there’s a Girlfriends In God web site, and a Facebook page, and a Twitter feed, and I think you can subscribe to regular emails from them or go to a GiG conference. And it all starts here. But while you’re tweeting and checking Facebook, also get the book. ‘Cause all of us need to be reminded and encouraged to trust God with everything, all the time.
